Remember when talking animals used to be funny? It was back in those amazing, fanciful, wondrous days before The Chronicles of Narnia had talking animals fighting holy wars and Beverly Hills Chihuahua made our four legged friends vapid and vacant. Those holes Marmaduke is digging might as well be graves for the words, "talking animals are funny." I proclaim that movie commandment to be no more.
Based on the comic strip, Owen Wilson provides the voice of Marmaduke - a self-described 200 lb. teenage dog who doesn't fit in because of his enormous size. Of course, life isn't too bad for the great dane, until his owners, Phil (Lee Pace) and Debbie (Judy Greer), decide to uproot the family from their happy Kansas home, so Phil can take a higher paying job in California (cue The OC and every song about California that was released after 2000).
Now, Marmaduke feels like a fish out of water as Phil hangs out with the new boss, Don (William H. Macy), at a local dog park, finds himself ostracized for being a mutt, and tries to win the heart of Jezebel (voice by Fergie, the singer, not the drunken duchess). Only his new pals, led by tomboy Mazie (voice by Emma Stone), see Marmaduke for who he is, and try to help him fit in.
Will Marmaduke make Jezebel's tail wag?
Can he handle her jealous boyfriend, Bosco (Kiefer Sutherland)?
I wish I could get angry or morally outraged by the disaster known as Marmaduke, but the movie is so bland, uninspiring, and predictable it's almost like chastising a 5-year old for drawing a picture that doesn't look like a Picasso. No one on the creative team can do better, so why be surprised when you get something like this?
Director Tom Dey, with writers Tim Rasmussen and Vince Di Meglio, beats the audience over the head with the whole idea that Marmaduke is a teen facing the typical problems of fitting in, battling with bullies, and awkwardly attempting to woo the object of his affection, when he should notice the best friend who has feelings for him.
For a while, Marmaduke feels like a rejected 1980's teen angst John Hughes movie, especially when Dey and the gang start to rip off Some Kind of Wonderful, but Hughes never had the audacity to write lines like, "it's raining cats and us!"
Now, I can almost hear people reading this review and yelling at their computer screens. "it's just a kids movie, so chill out!" Sure, Marmaduke is full of goofy sIapstick moments like the dog running people over, the great dane jumping out of the bath and making a run for it in a sudsy fog, or watching the clumsy canine trying to surf (Movie Commandment - a main character engaging in any activity resembling surfing or skateboarding is one of the signs your movie is going downhill, fast), but those relatively innocuous and innocent moments are accompanied by a stream of fart jokes, butt sniffing and licking comments, and allusions to the animals tripping out on drugs. Is that what you want a 5-year old to see?
On top of all of that, Dey and company stick us with an overly melodramatic ending that might scare the pants off any child in the theater. While this might be important and germane for a movie like Old Yeller, exposing the main characters to this unnecessary level of danger is out of context, and borders on cruel and unusual punishment for those who stick around for the end.
0 Waffles (Out of 4)
Marmaduke if rated PG for some rude humor and language.
Now, Marmaduke feels like a fish out of water as Phil hangs out with the new boss, Don (William H. Macy), at a local dog park, finds himself ostracized for being a mutt, and tries to win the heart of Jezebel (voice by Fergie, the singer, not the drunken duchess). Only his new pals, led by tomboy Mazie (voice by Emma Stone), see Marmaduke for who he is, and try to help him fit in.
Will Marmaduke make Jezebel's tail wag?
Can he handle her jealous boyfriend, Bosco (Kiefer Sutherland)?
I wish I could get angry or morally outraged by the disaster known as Marmaduke, but the movie is so bland, uninspiring, and predictable it's almost like chastising a 5-year old for drawing a picture that doesn't look like a Picasso. No one on the creative team can do better, so why be surprised when you get something like this?
Director Tom Dey, with writers Tim Rasmussen and Vince Di Meglio, beats the audience over the head with the whole idea that Marmaduke is a teen facing the typical problems of fitting in, battling with bullies, and awkwardly attempting to woo the object of his affection, when he should notice the best friend who has feelings for him.
For a while, Marmaduke feels like a rejected 1980's teen angst John Hughes movie, especially when Dey and the gang start to rip off Some Kind of Wonderful, but Hughes never had the audacity to write lines like, "it's raining cats and us!"
Now, I can almost hear people reading this review and yelling at their computer screens. "it's just a kids movie, so chill out!" Sure, Marmaduke is full of goofy sIapstick moments like the dog running people over, the great dane jumping out of the bath and making a run for it in a sudsy fog, or watching the clumsy canine trying to surf (Movie Commandment - a main character engaging in any activity resembling surfing or skateboarding is one of the signs your movie is going downhill, fast), but those relatively innocuous and innocent moments are accompanied by a stream of fart jokes, butt sniffing and licking comments, and allusions to the animals tripping out on drugs. Is that what you want a 5-year old to see?
On top of all of that, Dey and company stick us with an overly melodramatic ending that might scare the pants off any child in the theater. While this might be important and germane for a movie like Old Yeller, exposing the main characters to this unnecessary level of danger is out of context, and borders on cruel and unusual punishment for those who stick around for the end.
0 Waffles (Out of 4)
Marmaduke if rated PG for some rude humor and language.
