Every year, Hollywood graces me with one lovely, amazing, juicy, delicious turkey for Thanksgiving. This year, that turkey is called Faster.
The Rock (I refuse to call him Dwayne Johnson. I call him The Rock out of love and admiration) stars as Driver - an ex-con who has dedicated himself to killing the men who murdered his brother, after a bank robbery years ago ended up in a double-cross.
That's the whole story.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
It's 90 minutes of The Rock hunting people down and killing them.
Will he kill them all?
Why didn't they just call the movie Kill Them All?
I wasn't expecting cinematic greatness, but writers Tony and Joe Gayton as well as director George Tillman, Jr., The Rock and co-star Billy Bob Thornton all should be arrested for theft. Theft of the money they made on this movie. Theft of my time. Theft of good taste in general.
First of all, the Gaytons can't even bother to come up with names for the major characters! The Rock is just Driver. Billy Bob Thornton is just Cop (but you can see his name on some prop stuff). Another utterly pointless character who could be completely removed from Faster and nothing would change, is an assassin called, in a moment of amazing originality and inspiration, Killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen).
If you are a professional writer in Hollywood, you should be able to come up with names for your lead characters!!!! This isn't some 500-year old morality play where the characters are representations of people in society. You are supposed to be all creative and stuff. Or, do you have such little regard for the movie you don't feel the need to make these people human in any form?
Second, Faster is a 14-year old boy's dream come true.
Want to see some fast, exotic and cool cars? Check!
Interested in witnessing some hot, half naked babes gracing the screen? You got it!
Think a scene in a strip club is the ultimate setting? It's all yours!
Want to see a bad mother (shut your mouth!) beat up some dudes? The Rock is your man.
Faster doesn't want to be anything more, so it might as well be something less. Less story. Less characters. Less logic.
Third, they make a MASSIVE mistake towards the end of the movie (if you even care at that point). Without giving anything away, the major bad guy forgets something about Driver that he never should have forgotten, something we all remember the moment it happens and something so crucial to every part of this story and ending only an incompetent moron could screw it up, and this bad guy has proven not to be a complete moron.
Fourth, everything about Faster becomes hypocritical as Driver begins to develop a conscience. PUH-LEASE. The man has dedicated his life to killing them all, and, now, he's going to question it because he learns a little something about their lives? I don't think so. Plus, your whole movie is trying to appeal to people who want to see this rampant violence Driver supposedly starts to question.
Faster was what I was thinking while walking out of the theater.
0 Waffles (Out of 4)
Faster is rated R for strong violence, some drug use and language.
First of all, the Gaytons can't even bother to come up with names for the major characters! The Rock is just Driver. Billy Bob Thornton is just Cop (but you can see his name on some prop stuff). Another utterly pointless character who could be completely removed from Faster and nothing would change, is an assassin called, in a moment of amazing originality and inspiration, Killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen).
If you are a professional writer in Hollywood, you should be able to come up with names for your lead characters!!!! This isn't some 500-year old morality play where the characters are representations of people in society. You are supposed to be all creative and stuff. Or, do you have such little regard for the movie you don't feel the need to make these people human in any form?
Second, Faster is a 14-year old boy's dream come true.
Want to see some fast, exotic and cool cars? Check!
Interested in witnessing some hot, half naked babes gracing the screen? You got it!
Think a scene in a strip club is the ultimate setting? It's all yours!
Want to see a bad mother (shut your mouth!) beat up some dudes? The Rock is your man.
Faster doesn't want to be anything more, so it might as well be something less. Less story. Less characters. Less logic.
Third, they make a MASSIVE mistake towards the end of the movie (if you even care at that point). Without giving anything away, the major bad guy forgets something about Driver that he never should have forgotten, something we all remember the moment it happens and something so crucial to every part of this story and ending only an incompetent moron could screw it up, and this bad guy has proven not to be a complete moron.
Fourth, everything about Faster becomes hypocritical as Driver begins to develop a conscience. PUH-LEASE. The man has dedicated his life to killing them all, and, now, he's going to question it because he learns a little something about their lives? I don't think so. Plus, your whole movie is trying to appeal to people who want to see this rampant violence Driver supposedly starts to question.
Faster was what I was thinking while walking out of the theater.
0 Waffles (Out of 4)
Faster is rated R for strong violence, some drug use and language.
