March 2011 Archives

It turns out Disney thinks you are an over the hill spinster if you are a woman who has reached her thirties, which is causing Agatha Christie fans to sharpen their pitchforks and light their torches this evening.

Disney has announced the lovable, venerable Miss Marple of the Agatha Christie series will be portrayed by Jennifer Garner, who in no way resembles the elderly amateur sleuth fans are familiar with from the 12 novels in which she appears

Shame on you, Disney.

So, does anyone really want to see another Three Musketeers movie?  Sure, this one is in 3D, but Orlando Bloom is the biggest name (and, if he's not in a Pirate movie, people don't flock to the theater).

Superman just got super hot as Warner Brothers announces MASSIVE casting news today.  

Amy Adams has been brought on to play Lois Lane in Superman: Man of Steel.  Suddenly, I am very excited (about this new Superman movie).

She joins Kevin Costner (Jonathan Kent), Diane Lane (Martha Kent) and Henry Cavill (Superman/Clark Kent) in the Superman reboot headed up by Zack Snyder (Sucker Punch, 300) and scheduled for a Summer 2012 release.  

Rumors also are flying that Viggo Mortensen has dropped out of negotiations for the new Snow White movie, Snow White and The Huntsman, and might be showing up as General Zod!

Now, I am all for our 3-time Oscar nominee joining forces with The Man of Steel (since she has passed up on joining forces with Willie "The Man of Oreos" Waffle), but I will wage war on Warner Brothers and Zack Snyder if they make her dye her luscious, beautiful, dreamy, enticing, sexy, amazing strawberry blond hair!!!!  I don't want to see Amy Adams with jet black hair.  My heart could never handle it.  You have been warned. 

  

This is a movie for those who download Justin Bieber songs and have to come home when the street lights turn on.  That's right.  The Diary of a Wimpy Kid has a sequel, whether you wanted it or not.

Zachary Gordon is back as Greg Heffley - the wimpy kid who keeps a diary of his life's ups and, mostly, downs.  Now entering 7th grade, he is about to embark on one of the scariest, harrowing, most dangerous rituals in all of puberty.  He wants to win the affection of the cute new girl, Holly (Peyton List).  As you can imagine, it's not going well (don't worry little buddy, it rarely goes well).  

On top of all of that, Greg is at war with his older brother, Rodrick (Devon Bostick), and their mother (Rachael Harris), is trying everything she can to make them spend more time together.

Will Greg win the heart and hand of his beloved Holly?

Will Rodrick break Greg's hand and heart before that is possible?

If you like scantily clad women kicking booty in slow motion, this is the movie for you.

Emily Browning stars as Baby Doll - a 20-year old orphan who wrongly gets sent to a mental institution by her evil stepfather.  In five days, she will be lobotomized, so Baby Doll has disappeared into an alternate reality where she has been instructed by a mysterious wise man (Scott Glenn) that she can find freedom by collecting 5 items. 

However, Baby Doll needs help, so she convinces her fellow patients, Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (Jena Malone) and Amber (Jamie Chung), to become part of the plot, so they can make a run for it as well.

Will Baby Doll and her friends make it out of this horrible place?

Most of you reading this piece right now probably remember Elizabeth Taylor for the jokes, instead of the work. 

She was a major tabloid figure for her 8 marriages, the affair with Eddie Fisher, the weight gain in the 70's and treatment for alcoholism.  She even provided the voice for Maggie in The Simpsons.  

However, before all of that, Elizabeth Taylor was the greatest movie star of her generation. 

After that, she was one of the greatest philanthropists and activists we have ever seen.

Pretty people.  Pretty scenery.  Pretty bland.

Angelina Jolie stars as Elise - a mysterious, sexy woman (who knows how to walk into a room), who is being followed by Scotland Yard.  She is associated with a big time thief who has stolen billions from a mobster, and the two are trying to rendezvous, without the mobster or the fuzz finding them.

To throw everyone off the scent, Elise and her paramour come up with a plan to find a patsy who will draw all of the attention from them as their pursuers will think he is the man they are looking for.  Upon boarding a train to Venice, Elise picks out American math teacher, Frank Tupelo (Johnny Depp), as that patsy.   However, the two seem to have a special spark that jeopardizes the entire plan.

Will the bad guys figure out Frank is not the man they are seeking?

Read more about The Tourist here.





After months of mocking the movie and predicting that Yogi Bear would be the film that destroyed my soul, I decided I had to see it.  Sadly, I should have demanded that I be met at the theater with a pic-a-nic basket full of vodka and pumpkin pie.  That has to be the way many on the set got through the experience, so why not me?

Dan Aykroyd provides the voice of Yogi Bear - the smarter than an average bear who spends his days stealing picnic baskets with his buddy Boo Boo (voice by Justin "I just cost myself an Oscar nomination for The Social Network" Timberlake).  Of course, not all is well in Jellystone Park as the evil Mayor Brown (Andrew Daly) has hatched a scheme to sell off the unpopular park to balance the city's budget shortfalls caused by his own mismanagement.

Can Yogi, Boo Boo, Ranger Smith (Tom "Ed" Cavanaugh) and his new gal pal documentarian Rachel (Anna Faris) stop the Mayor?

Read more about Yogi Bear here.

The Amazingly Shirtless Matthew McConaughey must be trying to win an Oscar!  A full 42 minutes passed in The Lincoln Lawyer before he took off his shirt.  That's his move.  You have to have some major confidence in the movie to forsake your move, and he should.

McConaughey plays Mick Haller - a fast talking, slick, charming rascal of a lawyer who defends those who might not be all that innocent and live within the gritty underbelly of society.  Operating out of his Lincoln Town Car, Mick has an office on four wheels, so he can crisscross Los Angeles to get every job he can.  However, his latest client is much different than the rest.

Louis Roulet (Ryan "The Dude Who (Allegedly) Cheated On Reese Witherspoon and Might Have Knocked Up His Ex-Girlfriend, But Wants a Maury Povich DNA Test Before Admitting He is The Father" Phillippe) is a filthy rich Beverly Hills playboy who has been accused of murder.  Although they have never met, he has requested Mick to be his lawyer, but why?

The problem with making brilliant movies like Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz is that every movie you make will be compared to Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (who made Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) star as Graeme and Clive - two Brits in the USA on the trip of a lifetime.  In addition to attending Comic-Con, they have decided to rent an RV and travel to all of the most heralded sites in UFO lore.  While the two might not quite fit in as they traipse across the deserts of the southwest, their biggest trouble doesn't come from the locals.

Along the way, they pick up a real live alien, Paul (voice by Seth Rogan), who is on the run and trying to rendezvous with the mother ship.

Can they help Paul go home?

Who is chasing after him?

If you think Gossip Girl has the hottest drama you have ever seen, you haven't seen Jane Eyre.

Mia Wasikowska stars as Jane - an orphan girl sent off to an evil boarding school.  Fed up with the atrocities, and knowing she should be getting more out of life, Jane escapes and ends up living as the tutor for a young girl in the English countryside.  The girl's father, Rochester (Michael Fassbender), is a bitter and stiff soul, but takes a warming to Jane as she has the intellectual ability and strength not many others display.  

Is it true love between Jane and Rochester?

(*CHECK OUT WILLIE'S INTERVIEWS WITH MIA WASIKOWSKA, MICHAEL FASSBENDER AND CARY FUKUNAGA AT THE END OF THIS REVIEW*)

Limitless is a movie all about how some people can use more of their brainpower to do better at their jobs, create great art or better the world.  It's something I wish everyone in Hollywood aspired to.

Bradley Cooper is Eddie - the procrastinating, unfocused writer who spends more time drinking than typing.  Behind on his manuscript, and needing some sort of inspiration to get the story out of his head, Eddie is given a super drug that gives him the ability to use more of his brain and grant him a determination he has never felt before.

Not satisfied with just becoming a great writer, Eddie uses his new found abilities to become filthy rich, which attracts the attention of one of Wall Street's most powerful men, Carl Van Loon (Robert De Niro).

I have mixed emotions about this trailer. 

The first half made me want to vomit. 

The second half made me all gooey inside. 

Which will we feel when the movie comes out on July 1?

Update: Mark Wahlberg says he wants to do a sequel!  Of course, he made this announcement on the day the movie comes out on DVD.

Based on a true story, Mark "Don't Call Me Marky Mark" Wahlberg stars as Micky Ward - a decent fighter who hasn't been able to break through and become a champion.  His career is a family affair as he is managed by his mother, Alice (Melissa Leo), and trained by his drug addicted, former boxer brother Dicky (Christian Bale), who tragically still holds on to his greatest moment, even though it might not have happened exactly the way he wants to believe it did.

After a disastrous fight, Micky starts to realize he doesn't have much longer to make it big, and his new girlfriend, Charlene (Amy Adams), is helping him come to terms with what he must do.  

Can Micky break away from Dicky and Alice?

Are they what has been holding him back?

Read more about The Fighter here.




Update: Because of the shocking tsunami scene that opens the movie, Hereafter has been pulled from Japanese theaters.

With Clint Eastwood entering into M. Night Shyamalan territory with his new movie, Hereafter, I guess everyone who wants to buy a ticket needs to ask themselves one question - Do you feel lucky punk?  Do ya?

In the film, Matt Damon stars as George - a psychic who achieved great fame and wealth for his ability to talk to dead people, but he couldn't handle the emotional toll anymore and walked away from it all.  Yet, that doesn't stop people from seeking him out and begging for his help. 

Over in France, a French newswoman, Marie Lelay (Cecile De France), is swept away in a tsunami, and it changes her outlook on life and death.  Meanwhile, a young boy, Marcus (Frankie and George McLaren), struggles after his twin brother is killed in an accident, and his mother is so consumed with alcoholism and drug addiction that she can't care for him anymore.

Will George continue to shun his gift?

Has Marie recovered from the trauma?

Read more about Hereafter here.

 

Jennifer Aniston is the star who lights up the screen in stinker after stinker, and captivates the attention of moviegoers and cultural critics who want to get some attention for themselves (What were you thinking Bill O'Reilly?  Didn't you learn anything from Dan Quayle?) 

Yet, here's the dirty little secret about her new movie, The Switch.  It's really a Jason Bateman movie, so that makes it only half-atrocious.

I think you will find the first part of The Switch very familiar territory.  Wally (Jason Bateman) and Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) have been pals forever since dating for a very short period of time years ago.  However, Wally wants to break out of the Friend Zone and into Hubba Hubba You're So Cute and Sexy Land, so the poor dude spends his life quietly, painfully yearning away for his best gal pal.

Then, we get to the part that is a bit more unique.

Read more about The Switch here.

Oh my!  Cameron Diaz is trying her best to be Billy Bob Thornton.  This movie could be funny ... without Cameron Diaz.

Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart were among cast and crew safely evacuated from Twilight: Breaking Dawn's set on Vancouver Island Beach today as warnings about a possible tsunami wave were issued up and down the pacific coast of North America. 

The movie's participants were considered to be in danger, since the filming was taking place at an open waterfront area.

Actress Tinsel Korey, who plays Emily Young in the Twilight franchise, sent out a farewell tweet in the midst of the drama.  Korey stated, "If this this is my last my tweet. I love you. The end. Hugz."

Here's the problem with Battle: Los Angeles.  A small part of me, and you, will be rooting for the aliens to destroy LA.  Right?  Can we save George Clooney, but spare Lindsay Lohan?

Aaron Eckhart stars as Marine staff sergeant Michael Nantz - a heroic man who lives with a nasty rumor that clouds everyone's view of him and his abilities.  Because of this controversial moment in his career, Nantz has decided to retire from the Marines.  However, just as he is trying to get out, they pull him back in.

A series of mysterious meteorites have been hurtling towards Earth and appear to be heading straight for some of the biggest population centers on the planet, including Nantz's own Los Angeles.  The military has discovered this is an alien attack, and plans a massive bombing campaign along the coast, but, Nantz and his platoon must venture into Santa Monica to save some civilians before it is bombarded back into the stone age.      

Will Nantz and the Marines reach those civilians in time?

Can they hold back the aliens?

Why do the aliens want to invade Earth?

Some movies are so bad, you just walk out and pray you can find enough alcohol to kill the brain cells holding those memories.  Others, like Red Riding Hood, inspire the audience to openly mock the hideousness on screen.  Normally, I would want to stop them, but the people in the crowd with me were more entertaining than the film.  

Amanda "Oh What Big Eyes She Has" Seyfried stars as Valerie - the most beautiful girl in a town that exists on the edge of a very dark forest.  She has been promised to Henry (Max Irons) in an arranged marriage, but Valerie is in love with a buff woodsman, Peter (Shiloh Fernandez, who has a very modern haircut, even though this movie is supposed to take place in something like medieval times, did they have hair product in the dark ages?).  

The entire town lives in fear of a mysterious, voracious werewolf who is kept satisfied with a regular sacrifice every full moon, but the peace reached between the townspeople and the monster is breached when Valerie's sister is killed by the beast.  Now, the townspeople want to rid themselves of the wolf, and summon a preacher, Solomon (Gary Oldman), and his henchmen to do the deed.

What will happen when the wolf makes it clear he wants Valerie next?

Who is the wolf?

Matt Damon stars as David Norris - an up-and-coming New York politician who screws up his chance to become the state's youngest Senator.  At the election night "celebration", he meets Elise (Emily Blunt), who lifts his spirits and inspires him to give a speech that saves his career.  David is fascinated with Elise and does everything he can to find her, again.  However, some mysterious men in very dapper hats, Harry (Anthony Mackie) and Richardson (John Slattery), are trying to prevent the two from ever building on their spark.

Why would Harry and Richardson want to stop true love among the smitten?

What is this plan they are dedicated to protecting?

Who is in control of that plan?

Alex "I Am Number Four" Pettyfer stars as Kyle - the vain, blonde haired , egotistical high school boy who seems to be the heir apparent to The Amazingly Shirtless Matthew McConaughey as he opens the movie by working out in his tiny, tight boxer briefs (that had the theater of 13-year old girls screaming out in an ecstasy that should put fear in their fathers' hearts).  The young stud muffin makes no bones about his feelings regarding the superiority of the beautiful over the rest of us, and one fellow student is sick of it.  

Self-professed witch and target of Kyle's evil barbs, Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen), puts a spell on the under aged beefcake (does that make him a vealcake?) and turns him into a tattooed, scarred, boil faced less than model-looking dude.  If he can't find one lady in one year who will profess her love to him, he will stay this repulsive.

Will Kyle be able to grow on the inside?

Is there any depth to this pretty boy?

Do the girls in the audience even care?