Willie Waffle is the movie critic for people who hate movie critics.

Bullet To The Head - The Most Unsubtle Title Ever - Review

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bullettotheheadposter.jpgEver since The Expendables came out, old dudes like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone feel like they can be the big tough he-man action heroes they were in the 80's.  Heck, Bruce Willis even has another Die Hard movie coming out next week, whether you asked for it or not.  Yet, these retro action films have been needing some box office Viagra to boost the sagging results, and this Stallone film doesn't appear ready to turn back the clock.   

In Bullet To The Head, Stallone stars as Jimmy - a long time criminal tough guy who is part assassin and part butt kicking enforcer.  His latest job in Louisiana has gone sour when it turns out he and his partner have been set up, leaving his partner in crime for dead.

Meanwhile, Sung Kang  is Taylor - a cop from Washington, DC who is tracking down evidence on the possible bribery of some elected officials and the murder of his partner. 

As you can imagine, the two figure out they are after the same people, and have to forge an uneasy alliance to get what they want.  Sadly, they do not go together as amazingly as peanut butter and jelly.

Will Jimmy and Taylor succeed?

It might not be as epically bad as the uber-offensive Movie 43 from last week, but Bullet To The Head still is one of the worst movies of the year, and we have barely gotten into February.  

Most of all, director Walter Hill and writer Alessandro Camon just aren't trying.  Camon tosses together a series of clich├ęs, atrocious unimaginative dialogue and one-dimensional characters the way a 5-year old finger paints and thinks he is Picasso.    

Then, Hill steps directly past all of that to make sure we have plenty of violence.  It IS called Bullet To The Head after all, and he takes that title so seriously we get to see at least a dozen bullets to the head, and one seriously ridiculous axe fight because I guess the cast and crew got tired of glorifying gun violence and decided to get all medieval up in here.   
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Stallone tries his best as some underworld Yoda dishing out all sorts of bad guy advice to his cop buddy, but most of it makes you laugh when it shouldn't be, especially with Stallone's monotone delivery during the supposedly reflective and soul searching narration.  This movie lost that soul the moment the script was printed on paper and Stallone cashed the big fat paycheck.

Meanwhile, Kang has to wonder where he went wrong with his career after starring in this and Fast and The Furious Tokyo Drift.  His attempts to have some attitude and intimidate others are ridiculous, and someone should have spent 10 seconds in DC to write him some realistic DC dialogue.

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0 Waffles (Out of 4)

Bullet To The Head is rated R for strong violence, bloody images, language, some nudity and brief drug use.