J.J. Smith - Love and Dating Tips

A beauty transformation is an integral part of your dating action plan.  A beauty transformation is about maximizing your physical beauty to the fullest.  Your transformation is about making the most of whatever God has given you to work with and improving the aspects of your appearance that are within your control (weight, fitness, overall health, hair, skin, etc.).  It is about dressing in a manner that allows you to show off your best assets, whether that be your legs, cleavage, butt, face or hair.  I don't mean getting oversized boobs or other types of drastic cosmetic surgery, but maximizing your physical attributes/features to always look your best.  If you want to enjoy a vibrant dating life, you may need to undergo a beauty transformation as described in Why I Love Men:  The Joys of Dating.  In the book, I share techniques that any woman can use to look and feel her best--and maximize her physical beauty without cosmetic surgery.

Her 10 steps to a beauty transformation are:

 

What is one of the most important factors for getting a man's attention?  It is your physical appearance.  Because men are visual creatures, they will initially be attracted to you by your physical appearance.  A man must find something physically attractive about a woman for him to take interest in her.  That makes your physical appearance is an important asset that can be leveraged to help you get the attention of more men.
Your goal should be to look beautiful whenever you walk out the door.  We have to realize that we are selling ourselves every time we are out and about in the world.  Our appearance tells people about our age, profession, marital status, intelligence, and financial status.  Even the style of your hair, or lack thereof, communicates a lot about you as well.  Think of beauty and attractiveness as a method to create opportunities and options for you in your dating life.

Sometimes when we date a guy for years and years and years, it's really about waiting for HIM to be "ready" to make the marriage commitment.  However, there are other times, when you can date a guy for 5 or even 10 years, and he's just NOT going to marry you (even if he says he will).  This is because there is a big difference between a woman who is "good for dating" vs. a woman that is "marriage potential."  You could just end up dating him forever even after being with him for 5 or 10 years.

Women can learn from men about dating as it regards to this topic.  Men date all types of women, those they feel are "marriage potential" and those who are just "good for dating."  They don't wait until they find "marriage potential" women before they go out on dates.  They definitely know the difference between these types of women, but they don't let that stop them from enjoying dating both types.  Woman will try to wait until they find that one guy who has "marriage potential" and then fixate on making the relationship work with him.  This is often true even if that means they have to change the man to get him ready for marriage.  In contrast, men don't waste time trying to change women.  If he's interested in dating you, he will, and if he's not, he won't.  If you don't meet his standard for "marriage potential," then you will just become "good for dating" until someone better comes along. 

 

I watched Terrell (0 body fat) Owens on the sideline say emphatically, "I Love Me Some Me!"  He said it with so much passion and conviction that you know he means it!  So, it got me to thinking, how does one actually "love me some me".  Well, first it starts with improving the relationship we have with ourselves.  If you love yourself and have confidence in who you are, you'll begin to send a signal to others that you have value and deserve respect.  An improved sense of self will lead you to a more fulfilling love life.  Loving yourself first sends a clear message that you are to be recognized, celebrated, appreciated and loved. 

 

Sometimes our sense of self-worth or self-esteem is shaped by the people in our inner circle.  Some of us have family members and friends ruining our self-esteem every day.  Even if they are your flesh and blood, try to remove yourself from their presence as much as possible.  Hurtful words negate any progress towards self-worth and self-love.

Are you a Romantic OverAchiever? You know a woman that is NOT realistic about who she is and what she can bring to a relationship.  These women often get frustrated in relationships because they are always dating people who are not in their lane or out of their league.  If you are constantly frustrated or getting rejected, evaluate your Relationship Market Value (RMV) and be honest with yourself.  Don't always try to be a Romantic OverAchiever and then ask why you can never find a man! 

Before you begin the dating process, it's important to understand your Relationship Market Value (RMV).  Your RMV helps you determine three things:  (1) the characteristics that you bring to a relationship that can be of value or benefit to a mate; (2) what type of guys you can attract so that you can focus your efforts on finding that type of man; and (3) if you are even ready for a relationship.  When determining your Relationship Market Value, you take a close look at your mental/emotional health, financial health, family relationships and other areas of your life, and discover if you are really ready for a relationship.

You determine your RMV by looking at the positive traits that you bring to the table that add value to the relationship, while evaluating the negative ones as well―those that may take something away or create challenges in a relationship.  If you have some real negative traits, such as having eight children and 5 "baby daddies", those things are not going to be perceived positively by a lot of men.  One of my negative traits, gambling, probably rules out the possibility of me marrying a pastor.  (But I enjoy gambling.)  It is important to know your strengths and build upon them so that you can differentiate yourself from other women.  If you are funny, be the funniest, wittiest woman in the room. If you are pretty, smile and be proud to that you can light up a room. 
 

Today there are so many ways to meet and date men.  With online dating, personal matchmakers, speed dating and other methods, you should be able to increase the quantity of men you meet fairly quickly.  So, in this blog, I wanted to focus on the 10 best locations related to men and their work.  These locations include conferences, associations or seminars men attend to enhance their careers.  Since so many of us devote so much time to work-related activities, these are great places to meet men!

 

1. The Office:  One good thing about meeting men at the office is that they have already been pre-screened by the personnel/HR department.  Thus, there's no better place than the office to meet single, successful men with similar interests and skills.  To get to know co-workers, plan social activities at the job such as monthly happy hours and football or basketball pools.  This will allow you to interact with a lot of men when you plan these activities.  So don't just participate in these activities, but plan and coordinate these events as well.  

 

• Industry Association Meetings:  If you don't want to date men at your current job, then attend industry events to network and meet new men.  For instance, each industry has associations that gather regularly to advance knowledge sharing in a particular field.  As an example, I've found that the annual conference of the National MBA Association is an awesome place to meet professional men. 

You always want to put yourself in place of confidence for  a first date.  Here are the types of locations that work best for that ever-important first date:

·         Bowling/Playing Pool:  This can be fun, and it's a great way to flirt.  With pool, you get to wear your sexy jeans and lean over the pool table suggestively.

 

·         Golfing/Miniature Golfing:  Both golf and putt-putt are great options for enjoying the weather and scenery and spending quality time talking.  If you're on a regular golf course, you may want to only play 9 holes, as an 18-hole round could take about four hours. If the date is not going well, that could be way too much time to be together.

 

One of the most important introductions that you will have is when you meet a man's mother.  If a man wants you to meet his mother or family, this means he's getting serious about you.  When that opportunity comes, be ready for it, and take the introduction quite seriously.  I have three brothers and if Mom doesn't like one of my brother's girlfriends, she doesn't hesitate to let them know.

 

"Hanging Out" with a group of women limits your ability to meet men and may be the number 1 reason you do not meet more men when you go out.  Now if you want to have a girls night out, by all means do so, and enjoy the company of your sisters.  But you should limit the number of women you hang out with in one setting when you purposely want to meet more men.  The number one reason for this is that men will be less inclined to approach you if you're with a larger group.  Men have a fear of being rejected, and it's even worse to be rejected in front of several women.  Try to hang out with one woman at best when you're "man hunting," and even if you do hang out with one woman, don't stay glued to her all night.  Just plan on connecting at a pre-arranged time but MINGLE ALONE.  You will be much more approachable to men if you are by yourself.  If you are out to meet men with a bunch of women, free yourself from the pack, be confident and go mingle alone.  Give this strategy a try, and I think you'll see that it increases the number of men you meet while you're out.

Awww... the exciting first date.... one of the most important events in a new relationship. First dates are important because they can either make a man eager to see you again or make him run for the highway. Know that your communication is key to making him interested in seeing you again.